Thursday, April 14, 2011

Cyst came back?!

That's right - cyst is back...turns out the doctor drained it during my surgery so that he wouldn't have to remove my ovary but now it's filled back up again (almost the same size as before) - that explains why my stomach pain is still there.

The doctor was an hour and 45 minutes late seeing me...that's right - they were running behind, they scheduled me wrong, put me in the wrong room and it took them that long to figure it out. Needless to say after an hour and 45 minutes - my patience was thin...very thin.

They took blood - to test my estrogen levels but that all came back fine. (they called this evening) I will be starting on a new birth control pill with my next cycle that's stronger than the one I'm on now (we just switched it this cycle but he wants to switch it again).

He's going to let us move forward with our next round of IVF in late July/early August since the cyst is benign but it does make me nervous having that cyst in there just hanging out making itself comfortable.

It's been a long day...not the news I was expecting to get from the doctor today - I feel frustrated, annoyed, sad, numb, like things are moving in slow motion...pretty much the usual, except now it's just emotionally exhausting to keep hearing bad news. Each time I go to the doctor I get more frustrated...today I found myself saying "Is this all going to be worth it in the end?" "Why am I doing all of this?" I think I'm really glad we're trying it one more time ourselves and then moving on to new plans and new hopes...I don't think I can take much more of this whole deal or the direction  my body is heading. It makes me sad to think about it.


I don't want any more bad news. I want my body to stop giving me all the signs that it does NOT want to cooperate. I want to be a mom. I want kids running around my house. I want to watch Richard be a dad. I want to not feel this way anymore. I want peace in my heart that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and that things will work out - that the best is ahead of me. That's what I wish for more than anything.

2 comments:

Amy said...

yep, there's the comments! yay! The only bad thing is that I don't think there's an option for blogger to email you when people comment. I've just always had to check. If you find out how to do that, you'll have to let me know!

MemBrain said...

I`m happy for you while reading this because you are pregnant:))) I just want to read 16 week pregnant story, it`s the same week for me..i hope everything goes well for you in the future weeks:)